in 2016…

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my mother’s absence grew heavier with each passing day

but for the very first time in my life

i felt her strength in my veins

(i miss her, i miss her)

i realized that you can love someone so much it hurts

but love isn’t supposed to make you bleed

so i learned to let go

(what ifs, should haves, aren’t allowed anymore)

i kissed a boy for all the wrong reasons

he gained my trust with half-truths and big words

and when his lies came back to haunt him

i was already gone

(i blamed myself for being so trusting again)

i discovered that my friends truly are my family

unconditional

and i hope i’m the same for them

(to quote a great movie, they “complete me”)

my sisters laughed and cried and succeeded

and when i look at them

i can see my mother in their eyes

(they’re growing up so beautifully, she’d be proud)

mom always wanted to help everyone

so i met warriors with battle scars and stories to tell

and i found a purpose for my grief

this is where i’m supposed to be

(i made it, i made it)

i went on impromptu adventures and chased after strangers in a state fair

burned my mouth eating pizza while lost in austin

hung out with wrestlers and got drunk with my best friend

strolled the streets of philly with one of my favorite human beings while we laughed

and my chest stopped feeling heavy

(i let go of so many things)

i met a man with a love of horoscopes and the patience of a saint

i tried to fight it for months, but his smile got under my skin

and when he held my hand in public for the first time, i realized it’d be okay

(maybe this won’t last forever, but i’m glad we met)

i learned that the future will always be uncertain no matter how much we plan

but that’s okay

i’m ready for it

i’m ready

(i’m happy)

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